there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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