Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
