He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
