how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
