if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
