just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
