Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
