dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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