I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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