at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize