She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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