after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
