I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We are two peas in an std pod
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
