Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
