is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
