I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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