why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
