party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize