am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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