I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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