just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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