Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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