ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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