Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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