I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
