I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
