Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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