So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
