Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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