FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
