Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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