i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
