the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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