just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
