and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
