You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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