I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think my moral compass just broke
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
