Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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