I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
