Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
