walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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