The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
