i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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