the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
