worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
