so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
