She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
