By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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