you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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