thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
