Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My penis needs a shock collar
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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