i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
