Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
