okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
