I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
