i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
