Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
