Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
