2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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