I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
