I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You've changed since you got that strap on
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
