so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
