I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
