You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
