i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
