this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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