i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
