Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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