i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
