And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
