Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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