I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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