You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
