There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
