Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
