me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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