So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You ruined the universe
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
